5 things I’ve learned about having a Happy Marriage.

Are you looking to improve you marriage? Would you like to be happier and feel more loved? There’s hope. Read our story below  and the tips we share on how you can have a happy marriage as well.

Errol wore a blue velvet coat on our very first Valentine’s Day 10 years ago. Can you believe he was 40 pounds heavier then? Since he could no longer fit one of his favorite coats I surprised him with a blue velvet coat for Valentine’s Day this year.

We kind of knew right away it was meant to be- but after 10 years of being together – after 10 years of opposites attracting, of life’s ups and downs, after triumphs and trials- the truth is today I love him so much more than I ever imagined I could 10 years ago.

The Lord has been gracious & merciful to us. Gosh – he really is a good man! So today I am going to share some nuggets of truth I’ve learned over the years about having a happy marriage and a love that endures. Here are 5 tips on having a happy marriage.

1. If you want a happy marriage my first word of advice and tip is to give up the idea that your marriage should make you happy. Instead give into the truth that marriage should glorify God. Marriage is missional- and the end goal is not to make you happy- but a biblical marriage should make you holy. Your marriage should be set apart as a witness to the world of God’s great love for his church. “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” Ephesians 5:25. Seriously what woman wouldn’t want to be loved like that? What marriage wouldn’t be transformed by a love like that? Bruno Mars got it right when he sang “I’d catch a grenade for ya!” When your focus is to love your spouse well as opposed to focusing on what he or she isn’t doing to make you happy- love itself will literally pick up speed like a snowball and take your marriage underneath it’s power. Love is really that strong. Marriage is so much bigger than our feelings- God wants to give us so much more! After 10 Valentine’s Days I am a much happier woman- but it’s not because I’m depending on Errol to make me happy. Whenever I did that I was just disappointed. Not because he’s not a good man- Lord knows he is- but because he’s human. Instead I am depending on God to make me holy, to help me forgive quickly- to help me respect my husband when he’s getting on my last nerve LOL…and when Errol is depending on God to make him holy- we both find ourselves with purpose in our marriage and a joy that is much stronger and that can outlive happiness any day of the week.
2. Praying together makes a difference. Seriously it really does. It was predicted that there was going to be a huge rainstorm on our wedding day. I had no idea thank God- as if a bride needs one more thing to stress about. But Errol had been begging the Lord for a perfect day filled with nothing but sunshine and I believe God heard my soon-to-be hubby’s cry and reversed the weather. It was the most beautiful day ever. Even with a sign like that can you believe it took us about 6 months of being married before we started praying together regularly? Praying together literally has been a game-changer. There is something about a husband and a wife coming together before the God of the universe in humility and laying their needs, hopes, fears, complaints and praises down in prayer. Miracles can happen and they do.
3. Don’t try and change your spouse. Seriously! Think about how hard it is for you to change you. Why would you take on the ginormous task of trying to change another grown up? Instead give your spouse the gift of acceptance. I am not talking about cheating, abuse or serious character defects because if that’s going on then your spouse does need to change and seek help immediately. I am talking about giving your spouse the grace to be themselves- not who you think they should be. Now while you are completely unable to change your spouse- God almighty specializes in changing folk. So please pray for your spouse daily. I do!  And while you are asking God to change them- he just might change you.
4. Be your spouses biggest cheerleader. I cannot say this enough. It’s a tough world out there. Be that person who your spouse can trust to encourage and believe in them. Catch them doing good. Bragg on them publicly and privately. Celebrate their accomplishments &strengths. You are making a huge deposit into your marriage when you regularly use your words and attitude to convey love, respect, appreciation and admiration for your spouse.
5. Have fun! Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Pay for a babysitter and go out on dates regularly. Kiss more! And have sex all the time! That’s in the bible too!

Did our  5 tips on happy marriage resonate with you? These are the 5 Words That Changed My Marriage.For more great marriage advice check out www.familylifetoday.com and www.focusonthefamily.com