To All The (Single) Ladies In The Place With Style & Grace

In case you’re wondering- that’s me texting all my single girlfriends and telling them to read my latest blog post! LOL!

Valentine’s Day is here! Prepare for huge displays of affection, gifts and chocolate on your Instagram feed! I know some of my single sister’s are sincerely cheering all the love on and some of you might dread today and take a break from the gram all together!

I know. I’ve been there. I can remember some of my single Valentine’s Days seemed unbearable. In spite of years of living faithfully for the Lord there were no marriage prospects. It became harder and harder for me to celebrate others who had found love without feeling sorry for myself. Had God forgotten me? Was something wrong with me? Were my expectations too high? I mean seriously I reduced my must-haves list to: loves Jesus, is heterosexual, and gainfully employed. Could it really be that hard? Honestly!

So I write this letter to my single sisters to encourage you. A few things.

1. FIRST THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU ARE  STILL SINGLE. NOTHING. 

Our Lord and Savior Jesus lived an honorable purposed life as a single man. The Apostle Paul who is credited with writing most of the New Testament was single and actually encouraged singleness. You can live a life fully devoted to the Lord and do amazing things for the Kingdom. As a married woman, my first ministry is my husband and family. Last year for example I was called by a casting director who wanted me to be on a baking show. There was one catch. I would need to spend 3 weeks away from my family filming in London. Me being on the show didn’t work out for other reasons but I probably would have needed to turn that down because I just couldn’t leave my then 2 and 3 year-old-sons without a mother for that long. That would have put a ton of pressure on my husband who is the sole breadwinner in our home to find childcare so he could work. However that would have been a perfect opportunity for a single person! I don’t sign up for every ministry or volunteer opportunity at church for the same reason. There are benefits to being single. What does Jesus’ singleness teach us about the beauty of a single life? We really need to explore that more.There is nothing wrong with you. As God gives you grace be content in this season and live your life, make an impact for the Kingdom. This time is a gift even when it does not feel that way.

2. DON’T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.

There are exceptions to this rule but in most cases your standards are not too high. There are certain non-negotiables that you can’t compromise on even if that means you never get married. When I was single I would meet men that seemingly had it all together only for it to be revealed at some point in the relationship that he wasn’t really a Christian. That’s a deal breaker! You might be able to maneuver that song and dance until children come along. Trust me- it’s far better to be single ( at least you like you) than to be miserable with someone who you knew all along wasn’t what you wanted in a husband. You don’t have the power to change anyone and marriage doesn’t either.

3. DON’T WASTE TIME ON A MAN THAT IS NOT PURSUING YOU WITH PURPOSE. 

I can remember men who would kind of play this game of being flirtatious, talking on the phone and wanting all my time without stating their intentions. You should never have to wonder if someone is in to you or where you stand with them. A man that loves you will say so and commit to marrying you. I am so glad I cut off a many of relationships because of their ambiguous nature. I feel the same way about dating. It should lead to marriage. When I met my husband it took just three weeks for him to define the relationship. In spite of all kinds of hurdles he wouldn’t let anything stop him from proposing within a two-year time period.

4.  I HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN SISTER- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU ARE STILL SINGLE.

Your value and worth don’t come from your marital status. Don’t let, “married, single, divorced or widowed”, tell the story of who you are. If you are struggling to feel loved look at the cross. God, clothed in human flesh loved you so much that he died and awful and undeserving death to redeem you- to fix it so that nothing could ever separate you from his unfailing, never-ending or ever-giving-up love. Our worth must be found in Christ alone.

There’s so much more that could be said here but I’ll leave that for another post. I just want to acknowledge that today is hard for some of us.  

I am rooting for all my single sisters who desire marriage and praying the Lord would bring His best along for you in the soon days to come. But while you’re waiting don’t fret. You’re perfect! I see you shining and living a beautiful life. Press on! Your amazing! Cheers to you girlfriend!